I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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