My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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