there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
