i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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