This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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