I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
