a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
