Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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