we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
