she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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