It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
