matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
