Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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