did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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