thus making me awesome and them whores
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
