i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
