I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
