as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
