ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
