onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
