Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
