my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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