Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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