I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
