I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
