Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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