K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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