ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
