Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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