What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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