I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
