First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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