You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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