Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
