it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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