had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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