hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
