I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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