I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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