i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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