so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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