The maid of honor just puked.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
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was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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