Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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