Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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