He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize