I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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