she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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