She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
