I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
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Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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