I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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