I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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