How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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