why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
