My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
