what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
