This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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