its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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