yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We need a shit load of segways right now
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
