My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
