so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
