shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
