He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
