Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
