Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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