so explain again why im purple
no
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
no you cant smoke seaweed
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
