I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
