Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
